I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
