dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
