you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
