so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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