but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
