I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
