someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
