I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
