You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
