thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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