It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
