shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
