Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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