your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
