Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
