I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
