i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
