It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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