I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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