I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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