census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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