a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I looked at my own cervix.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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