i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
