Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
