You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
