Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
