dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
