why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
