I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Who died my cat blue again?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
