When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
