So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
