The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize