afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
