just tell him i said nine months
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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