Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
