haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
