Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
