i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
