All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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