im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize