What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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