Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
