can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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