ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
