nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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