you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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