he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize