I looked at my own cervix.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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