I'm jealous of your bromance
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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