You just made me feel so damn special
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize