I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
