i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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