As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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