I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
