You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
