In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
