I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
