even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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