I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
