had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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