the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize
