It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
