so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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