just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
