we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
