never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
