Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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