38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
