And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
