I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
