did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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