i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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